Tomato Bisque & Grilled Cheese Sandwich

On a hiatus, in Kansas with my mother as she is on the mend from her second full knee replacement. I have actually conjured up a few new things, had some disappointments with some old favorites, and passed on a coveted recipe to my oldest nephew this Thanksgiving. Hopefully, I'll get around to expanding on those, but for now, I dug up my very first food blog post...I dunno why I talk like I have a huge audience, but here ya go people. Both of ya! My ex-neighbor and maternal parent.

Today was a sick day, so rather than just waste it feeling miserable, I decided to create a blog I have intended to write forever and a minute ago. I titled it 'Fear and Loathing in the Kitchen' for a couple reasons--care to guess? Explanations are for another day as I have spent far too long changing the colors, fonts, etc.--so long in fact, I've almost lost the will to peck out these words. The recipe--if you can even call it that, is this:
1 can of tomato soup w/ equal parts milk
1 can of diced tomatoes of your choice. They come in several varieties and I keep enough stocked in the pantry that if the apocalypse comes, you get the idea. *I prefer the garlic, onion, and basil.

1 can of fire roasted tomatoes--diced, of course.

Heat til bubbly & serve with grilled cheeses sandwiches or cheesy bread made from leftover dinner rolls, biscuits, French bread--whatever & a variety of cheeses if ya have them.  My favorite is provolone, parmesan, & cheddar.  Cheesy croissants would be awesome, as would garlic cheddar biscuits.  It's tasty, it's comfort food, it's easy--try it.  If you conjure up something awesome with a different variation, I'd love for you to share.  If you're freaking out because you need some exact measurements for any of the above, you're in the wrong place, we don't do that here!

Mahalo

*recent note
Original date, March 7, 2011
If you read this in chronological order, you will know that carbs are my favorite enemy, and I stay away from them best I can, usually until the cocaine wears off, but in between then and now, some decadence occurred with pesto spread on ciabatta bread plus eight million different gooey cheeses melted in between on a few occasions. Super easy for a huge crowd, as the last time I remember making it was during Inge Festival. Double the above, prep sandwiches, wrap in foil, toss in oven 'til warm and melty...prepare for others to develop a strange crush on you for a few days! Don't worry, it wears off after a while.

Chicken Tortilla Soup

This is a throwback from January 2013. The photo, however is recent...
One of my FAVORITE soups! Enjoy :)

I'm not much of a recipe person.  I look at them, I read them, but I consider them suggestions--to follow one to a 'T' is a damper on my creativity, cramps my style.  The following 'suggestion' is what we were supposed to have for dinner, but the giant dufus that gets mad at me for calling him a giant dufus--forgot to lay out the chicken to thaw in the fridge.  So, to avoid a blog entry about bologna sandwiches, I shall carry on as if I'm cooking it.

Bake some chicken breasts drizzled with olive oil and seasoned with garlic powder, chili powder, cumin, pinch of salt salt, OR dash of cayenne or jalepeno salt if you're a saucy tart--until done, allow to cool & shred with a fork. That not-quite-burnt-but-really-dark juice/spice stuff stuck to the pan, save it for the soup pot.

While that mess is happening in a 400 degree oven, dice onions, sautee (with other veggise like bell peppers or celery, or even carrots! if'n ya wanna) in olive oil, S&P. Prepare 2 servings of parboiled rice.

Bring some chicken broth--ok, a BUNCH of chicken broth--to a boil. Don't watch the pot. Instead, add a mixture of corn starch and broth in small bowl, add to boiling broth & wait til it thickens before you add in your: rinsed black beans, roasted fresh or canned corn, rice, tomato sauce, green chilies, & diced chili-ready tomato product(s)...they come in all sorts of flavors & I have used them all!

Add chicken (and stuck-on stuff) & other veggies. When it's all nice & bubbly, take it off the stove & wait 15 minutes before serving.  You can garnish with tortilla chips, red onion, sour cream or greek yogurt, avocado slices or chunks, and of course, shredded cheese. Fresh cilantro elevates it to a new level awesome, but I don't always have it lying around when I'm making this & I'm NOT usually in the mood to the store last minute. There's people in those places.

Note: I never measure or keep track of anything, tastes the same every time despite this fact!!!

Mummy Meatloaf

This is one of my favorite things to do for my brother's kiddos! It's so much fun, and they love it! Nonna and Halloween kind of go hand in hand, it's may favorite holiday--I hate not being able to be with them this year, but maybe we can get Beetlejuice to put on a show with a holiday turkey to make up for it!

It's pretty easy, just make meatloaf as usual, form into a face(use a plastic wrap or foil-lined mask if you don't feel comfortable doing it free-handed), a foot, or hand--I've only done the face. Use onion layers for eyes, teeth, nails, or bones and bacon for the mummy wrap/zombie flesh affect.

For sides we did:
'Frankenbrains'--fresh, boiled broccoli, whipped in the food processor w/ a little milk and topped with cheddar shreds.
'Monster Mash'--boiled cauliflower(which is also great for stinking up the house, making it smell like fresh death), mashed with baked sweet potato chunks. Don't over mix them, you want to be able to see the 'mash' up, rather than light orange blended blobs, unless, of course, that's the look you're going for.

I just thought of it, but I'm sure some starch-tolerant pinterest person has a recipe idea for 'Hair-raising Hot Rolls' in which you can make scary faces carved into dinner rolls...we try to steer clear of the bread because someone invented things like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups, and priorities, and stuff.

For dessert we did:
'Zombie Brains' with cream cheese and sugar-free cherry Jell-O. Now they make it easy for you and sell Jell-O molds in the shape of brains!

You might notice we were eating a lot of 'brains' for Halloween, but being of the school that 'you are what you eat' we're gonna stick with it. Have you seen the size of our heads??? If it's too redundant for you, you could change the 'Frankenbrains' to 'Green Goblin Goo' or 'Gremlin Guts'--you get the idea.

Have fun with your kiddos, the don't stay kiddos long enough!!!

Soup Season

It's here! I love soups for a variety of reasons, and I don't think I'm alone in my adoration of them except one issue--not everyone will agree that soups are easy! Some might be more choresome than others, but for the most part, I just throw some old standbys together, no recipes, no measuring, and I'll be damned if it doesn't taste exactly like it always does!

Not so long ago, I made chili--some of the best chili I have ever made--on the fly. No real plan, but it was dinner time and I had all the necessities, so I gave it a go. After dinner...putting my spices away, cleaning my mess, I realized, I hadn't used any chili powder! HA! And it was fantastic. I'm not showing off, or anything, just saying, if this witch can toss ingredients in a cauldron and it comes out not only edible, but delectable, so can you! Quit being such a ninny! Don't be skeered...

I assume that the chili beans I threw in had enough chili spices in them to cover my oversight, but again, the point is to experiment. If it goes horribly wrong, the worse thing that can happen is a bologna sandwich as backup and the comfort of knowing they'll never ask for it again, so later, offer it up when really, you just don't feel like cooking!

Stock the Pantry with:

Stock, or Broth (better yet, make your own & freeze)
Tomato products: diced, stewed, fire-roasted, sauce, etc.
Green Chiles--despite what your Mexican/Hispanic/Latino Neighbors say
Corn starch or flour for thickening
Beans of all sorts: kidney, northern black, pinto, chili-ready, etc.
Chocolate covered sea salt caramel almonds (j/k, were you dozing off?)
...and an array of vegetables (frozen if you prefer)

This way, you've got a starting point and all you need is your perishables. Soups not so quick and easy if you have to make a trip to the market for everysingledamnthing! UGH!

Corn Dog Substitute

Ever since we saw Incubus at Gexa Pavillion, near Fair Park(long before the fair was even going on) I have had an insatiable craving for a corn dog.

Giving in to the beast, I feel I have been punished for doing so...
I got one at a drive-in, it was cold.
I got one that looked totally fair-legit, it was a sausage, not hotdog wiener!
I've tried to divert this craving to hush puppies, even more disappointing.
So, in desperation (mild desperation that is--extreme would have prompted me to just catch the kitchen on fire with exploding grease attempting to make them myself), I made these.

Brown chipotle chicken sausages in a pan, assemble microwaved corn then cheese, tomatoes (because I didn't have ketchup) and mustard (not shown because it was embarrassing for you to see how much mustard I put on it.

It's still no corn dog, but the Kraken went back into the deep, not satisfied, but at least pacified. Had this not calmed the beast, I would have just put hot dogs in cornbread batter and baked. (File that one under stoner/white trash  cookbook.)

Did you know?

Corn tortilla chips keep fresh in the freezer! After opening, just pop in the freezer instead of the pantry--NO MORE STALE CHIPS!

Food (In) Security

I have a tendency to get behind on my blog--oddly enough, cooking everyday kinda gets in the way. Just as I was loaded with pics and recipes, epic wins and tragic disasters, ready to share on here, I caught one of many segments on the news about the escalating numbers of refugees in Europe desperately trying to escape violence and war.

This wasn't the first time I heard about it, my Finnish neighbors had given us a firsthand account of their experiences surrounding this issue in their homeland. But this time was much different. You see these hoards of people, in droves upon droves traveling to foreign lands on foot, or piled in a tiny boat with nothing more than a backpack, some of them don't even have that. They have no home, no money, sometimes no family, and no reliable food source. But me? I'm over here, taking pictures of food like a jackass! Like an art project, and so many people have nothing much less anything to eat. I didn't feel so much like blogging. I just felt like an asshole.

After doing some research, I found a plethora of charity organizations that are helping to combat hunger among those that are the most food insecure, including many of the refugees. There's a couple charities that are highly respected by the general public that I would rather not give to because I don't agree with their actions, politics, or the gargantuan salary they pay their CEO.  I'm not particularly endorsing one or the other, just encouraging you to do the same type of research to make sure your heart is in agreement with what the charity of your choice is doing.

I wish I could feel like I was doing more, doing my part for my fellow human beings, but the trick is that if we all do something, even if that just means volunteering for Meals on Wheels, donating time to a soup kitchen, or dropping off non-perishables at your local food bank, we can make a difference.

Cooking for others is one of my favorite things to do--not only are you bringing enjoyment and fulfillment to those you know and love, but the fact that you are nourishing another's body, keeping them alive--it leaves me both honored and empowered.

No Photographs, Please

My posts don't always accompany photos. Why? Any number of reasons:
1) Dead Camera Battery!
2) My kitchen is so small and cluttered, I don't want anyone to see it.
3) I'm hungry--no time for photos!!!
4) Having dinner with friends, down by the pool, I forget my camera.
5) Cannabis can make you forget things.
6) I forgot.
7) wait, what?

I get caught up in what I'm doing, get caught in some weird rhythm, and realize...I should have taken a picture!!! Ugh.

Then, I get weird about it, pondering the excess of 'food photography'--having so much food, so many healthy, nutritious choices, taking pictures of it seems vulgar, obscene, almost perverted..and my thoughts turn to those who don't have anything to eat. Refugees, fleeing their homeland with nothing but a small bag of personal belongings for each family member. My heart aches, then sinks.

Watch the news...Native Alaskans, living in a 3rd world country, America--ice is melting, livelihood is dying, their food source retreats to colder temperatures...whales, caribou...and although they know there's money in them there waters, black gold, beneath the ocean floor, they also know that an accident, one disastrous catastrophe, could wipe them out. Ugh.

just not in the mood...

Air Freshner

Although it's not a recipe for food, it is a recipe! And, to keep this place from being some 'household tips' Suzie Homemaker kinda crap, there's an added bonus at the end...

In the process of trying to preserve the teeniest bit of one of my favorite fabric & air freshener scents, thyme and fig, I remember I had just emptied--save a few more squirts--a Montage bottle.

Those of you who had never had the pleasure of standing next to me in my element have no idea that it's my signature scent, plus the ever loved/hated, patchouli. Most people, newly exposed to this exotic and unfamiliar scent revel in the fact that 1) It smells so damn good! 2) It's one of the most unusual scents ever experienced by their olfactory. Unless they don't like it. BEWARE--These people are mutants, aliens, or have perfume sensitivities. Regardless, they are not to be trusted. Don't take advice, ride shotgun, or borrow sugar from these people.

Since I already had the lemongrass out in the prior experiment, I gathered the majority of patchouli bottles stashed around here. One is the fresh, airy, clean top notes, the other, is the earthy, sensual, and mystical. Surely you can guess which one is which, eh?

To replicate, use lemongrass & patchouli. If you want to venture out and do your own thing, that's cool. Just use your favorite oils. I don't mind. No really, everyone's their own person, just like everybody else.

You will need:

--empty bottle w/ squirt nozzle
--alcohol or vodka ( no judgment here)
--essential oils
--water

It might have been helpful had I kept count of specific amounts, even in drops, or at the very least, general descriptions, but, no. I teetered between patchouli heavy, and lemongrass dominant. The scent I wanted to achieve wasn't presenting itself at all.  A couple times, I feel I was getting really close, but a streak of perfectionism or even possibly greed made me spiral out of control and ended up in mad-scientist mode.

After going to all that trouble, what I got ended up less like a magic potion of ethereal bliss and more like Poop-pourri. You know, that stuff you buy in boutiques that you spray in the toilet so your business stench doesn't attack the next person entering the restroom with a sucker punch to the nose. Also, it makes good bug spray.

You're welcome!

Stuffed Jalepeno Peppers

Clearly, a glutton for punishment, I decided to handle hot peppers again. After the hatch chile incident of recent history, you'd think I'd just say no. Wrong. Apparently I love the feeling of lava pouring from my fingertips and I won't rest until my entire face is on fire, with the possibility of accidentally being blinded by capsicum. Good times!

I thought by baking and seeding them, they would be fine. I should have done some research, but I was too caught up in what I was doing to be a responsible adult. Who has time for Google? I'm busy dousing myself with gasoline. You gotta match?

My plan to stuff them with roast and cheddar cheese was thwarted when the Big Guy brought home cream cheese. Ah well, cheese would end up being the least of my worries, and as it turns out, cream cheese has more fire extinguishing properties.

After stuffing and wrapping with bacon, I arranged then in a metal pie pan & covered with foil to warm on the grill--just enough to make the cheese ooey gooey.

Despite the fact that I was dipping my hands in ice water, complaining about those damn peppers, everyone in our party put them in their face because people are beyond logical sometimes. They were so popular in fact, some of my neighbors attempted to make them, and we ate them. Again.

What the hell is wrong with my friends?

Mmmm...what's cooking?

Bacon is sizzling in the oven, mushrooms are simmering on the stove and it smells soooo good in here I just wanna cuss!!! Shit, damn, hell! Tool is yammering on about The Pot on slacker radio, Tex is crashed on his daybed/windowseat. It's pizza & salad night, yo!

Above: 3 pkgs of Cremini Mushrooms

Cremini shrooms were on sale for 69 cents! I thought I'd go ahead and cook these & freeze in small batches for steaks & whatnot, then go back to get another batch to do up for cream of mushroom soup! Still too hot outside, but it's a comin' around the corner!

Did you know that Cremini mushrooms are just the middlemen of the white and portabella mushroom varieties?  It's all the same, just cultivated at different stages in their development...and they taste a little different, depending on what stage they are presented to you. The white ones sat right next to these for $1.59, so...yeah!

Did you also know the world's favorite fungi was once considered 'peasant' food? Seems odd to someone like myself who grew up seeing them more as a delicacy, but this was only because my mother is a mycophobe...she doesn't like the texture, or the smell, much less the taste which is how I got spaghetti sauce on the ceiling once, a story for another day.

I'm floundering. I've been writing all day. Me no write no good no more.

Groceries

The key to eating well is shopping well. The key to shopping well is planning well, and well...sometimes I. Just. Don't. feel like it! UGH! I just want to grab and go, not in the mood to decide what I want to eat, much less make for others to eat for an entire week...then, Kitchen Karma brings her lesson swiftly & savagely...giving you 2 and a half decent meals and the rest is all crappy hors d'oeurves because you didn't plan properly baby!

This cycle is never-ending for me...

I cook and cook and cook some more. Then I'm bored. I don't want to cook, I crave burgers, pizza, and if it's Sunday, bigot chicken is all I can think about! I get lazy, we order out, and I hate it. We go out to eat, and that disappoints me as well, I can do much better at home with better ingredients and way cheaper, so to retaliate, I cook. And here we go again.

A well-stocked pantry is also key, but holy hell, tell that to the Big Guy, he has to haul groceries up 3 flights of stairs! When cans of crushed marzano tomatoes are on sale, he won't speak to me for the rest of the day after shopping. Or beans, or fizzy water...beer's okay though...imagine that.

Then there's the issue of actually having all you need for the entire week, this lends to not having any damn counter space! Dios Mio!

The struggle is real...

 

No sound advice, helpful tips, or awesome recipes, just griping! Times like these, I am reminded, there's a reason bitchin' rhymes with kitchen!

 

And yet, cooking is one of my favorite things to do. Something is really wrong with me. Maybe I'll have it checked out. Maybe not.

Hatch Chicken

Settle down grammar Nazis! It's not supposed to read 'Hatched Chicken'--it's Hatch Chicken, like, the pepper, and stuff. Omg, seriously?!?!

I bought into the 'Hatch Hype'--a near panicked compulsion to buy, prepare and eat them as they are in season, and disappear before you know it! Thanks, Central Market, this one's on you!

So, I: washed them, grilled them, blistered them, peeled the now-black skin off of them, and seeded them while the chicken was cooking on the grill.

My plan was to place one half on each chicken breast, then top with Monterey Jack, melt, & enjoy. I had fashioned an aluminum bowl with black beans, and another foil packet with a little rice, garlic, green onions, and tons of cilantro, ready to warm and eat.

It looked wonderful! Grill marks, perfect. It smelled fantastic! Peppery, goodness. It tasted...HOT AS HELL! Oh! Oh! HOT! HOT! HOT! And then, my cheek...burning...forehead...burning...nose...burning...like a super severe sunburn, and oh shit! My fingers are ON FIRE!!! Ow! Ow! Ow!

I had to ditch the pepper and just be content with my chicken, beans, and rice. And sweat. I couldn't stop, it was gushing from my pores. I was afraid to wipe it from my face, afraid blisters would emerge from what used to be my face but is now a human hotplate. Napkins are suspect as I have no idea if it may have accidentally been contaminated from the lit taper candles that used to be my fingers!

The Big Guy had the hiccups, happens every time he eats food that's too spicy. And me? Looks like I'll be sleeping in my contacts tonight! Dios mio.

Cucumber Vodka! Try it before summer ends...seriously!

If you have it this fall, meh. Winter? Nah. Spring? Mebbe. But that's a long time from now.  This is a summer drink. And even though your little brats are in school, it's technically still summer. So drink it. This summer. This weekend. Just try it. If you don't like it, you're an absolute weirdo and should seek some professional help. You need to know things like this about yourself, so, the sooner the better!

Cucumber vodka + Lemon Fizz = THE SHIZZ!!! I share it with everyone! And the people that love it, share it also! Delicious and ZERO CARBS! A girl--woman, actually, that shall remain unnamed-- that I introduced it to shared it with all the peeps she was on vacation with and by the end of their trip, they were carrying her everywhere she went...like Cleopatra, the pharaoh,  not like Cleo, the local drunk/psycho...Singing her praises, probably stuffing hundred dollar bills in her swimsuit! I don't know this, I just assume, as this is the typical display of enthusiasm after consuming this gift from the Vodka gods!!!

Grapefruit Jalepeno Vodka

The bin near the cash register...that's where we met. I was slightly repulsed, but more curious than anything...so later, back at my place...THIS HAPPENED!

Grapefruit Jalapeño Vodka?!?!  It sounds like an odd pairing, but it's really pretty good! I couldn't really taste the grapefruit, and there was no heat to the jalapeño, just the flavor. I wasn't brave enough to taste it straight, not even after having a Bloody Mary in one hand, and a bud light in the other. No.

No-Crust Quiche

This beauty...no idea what's in it...eggs and onions & cheese is all I can make out for sure. I can't remember--I made it this spring while at my Mom's and although there's nothing new about having one without a crust--no crust and no bisquick is new.

I loved it! I'm not sure why I don't make a few hundred of them at a time and freeze them, as they sure come in handy when you've got a hangover or have some company drop in...looks fancy, but really easy-peasy!

Brunch? Anyone...?

Chicken Tacos

Here's some chicken tacos...

 

 

I'm sure it's grilled, I'm positive it's on Joseph's low-carb pita breads, and other than the visible and obvious ingredients, I have no idea. I do know they were good, and the thought of withholding the other information willfully makes me giggle a little. That's not the case, I swear, but if it was, I find it humorous :) Like when Mama Nadja offers Harlin and Marlon a partially eaten peanut butter and jelly sandwich before they go finish off her son-in-law, Joey in one of my favorite movies, I Love You to Death.



Pecan-Crusted Salmon

This is what I submitted for the savory portion of the contest. And now that I'm typing this, I think I forgot to include the pecan pesto in my submission. I made it. I took pictures of it. Did I submit it? I'm feeling no. BAH! I made a basil pesto with my own plants and replaced the pine nuts with pecans. I dunno...I was crunched for time, and I had never made the pecan pesto before, so it was a new addition to the recipe that was fairly new itself...Ppppfffttttt! Oh well...

No recipe divulged for this either. Not yet, anyway. Five hundred bucks at stake for this one. You can figure it out with little effort: salmon, pork rinds, pecans, pesto...it's fantastic!

Bottom: seasoned filet

Top: topped with pesto and pecan crust

Missing: finished product

 

 

I guess I was in such a hurry to try it, I forgot to take a picture. Or, I took it and it's accidentally in another file...HELLIFIKNOW!

Pecan Pie

Our electric co-op and the Texas Pecan Board holds a holiday contest every year. There are 3 categories: pecan pie, sweet, and savory--I submitted for 2 of the 3.

The Pecan Pie I submitted is my own recipe I developed in an effort to cut some of the sugar, and eliminate the pastry crust. Even in true-blue legit pecan pies, I prefer the pecans over the gooey center, and since I've been making low-carb crusts out of pecans for jello and sugar-free pudding pies, I gave a pecan-crusted pecan pie a try and penned it 'Pecan-a-Palooza' as it's very, very pecan-y.

I'd share my recipe, but I can't remember if it's legal or not, and I don't want to disqualify myself, it's a $2,500 prize!!! I will show you the pictures though...

Top: fresh out of the oven

Bottom: cooled and ready for consumption

Chicken-Fried Steak, sort of...

Trying to get these 'mashed potatoes' over on the Big Guy is getting easier and easier, especially when you serve them next to Chicken-Fried Steak...

Take cube steaks, dip in egg, dip in finely crushed pork rinds, bake in a 400 degree oven, be disappointed that it's kind of soggy on the bottom, so make a mental note to pre-heat the pan you will be baking it in next time, and toss it in a lightly oiled, hot, porcelain-surface skillet in order to save it.

I used a packaged gravy mix--shut up--because I was afraid I would be juggling too many things at once, and screw something up, ruining everything! I have seen people make the gravy from mashed cauliflower, but since I was making my 'mashed potatoes' out of cauliflower, I thought it might be overkill.

Boil cauliflower, drain well, return to pan, toss in some butter and sour cream or even a dollop of cream cheese, garlic salt, and pepper. Mash, then mix with hand-held blender 'til smooth, then toss in oven to keep warm until ready to serve.

I loved it! It was no greasy spoon chicken-fried blue pate special in some dive diner, and it wasn't mom's to-die-for steak fingers with a Ritz cracker crust and homemade gravy, but it was damn tasty!!!

Roasted Corn

I dunno why people pay what I consider to be quite a bit of money for roasted corn at festivals and fairs, like it's exotic, difficult, or requires special equipment. Then again, I dunno why a great many people do a great many number of things--Total weirdos.

After eyeing fresh corn at the store for quite a while now, I caved. It's not carb-friendly, but it's not a plate of brownies either, so bugger off if you're judging me, mmkay? I'm gonna blame Fair Park in Dallas for making me think about it the other day, and corn dogs, but I'm not making that. Not this time, anyway. Maybe soon. Shut up.

If roasting corn, you should  buy it with the entire shuck on it, but mine was in a five pack with a section removed so you could inspect it. You should also soak it for 20 minutes to help saturate the shuck, thus protecting the ear, and only remove the silk, but, I didn't do that crap either. I needed to get food in my face relatively quickly, or IT WAS gonna be a plate of brownies! I pulled the silk off and put the shuck back in place.

No oil, a little bit of butter, and a Stonemill brand (Aldi) garlic & herb spice that I love on nearly everything! It's muh new fave :) Toss it on the grill. Preferably cook it over indirect heat, unless catching food on fire is kind of your thing. Sometimes, things seem much more fun if there's also a risk of danger/injury/dying--cooking is no different.  I did put one ear over direct heat, but it was completely naked, and I wanted it that way so I can cut it off the cobb and toss it in a Mexican chopped salad or a fresh pico/salsa.

After cooking for about 10 minutes, I did pull the shucks back on the other two and let it catch fire simply because I forgot to take plates down to the grill, I figured this would be easier than trying to peel it off since we were eating caveman-style, so I burned it off.

Right before I pulled my pork steaks off the grill, I pulled the corn and rubbed it down with butter...MAN-O-MAN! What a delicious mess.

Stuffed to the gills, all I can think about now is the one that's leftover, and I'm pretty sure it's calling my name. It's even pronouncing it correctly!!!

Paying it Forward

Remember when I said someone owes me an apology over the whole basil/cilantro pesto ordeal? I made some again  this weekend (if you're a psycho stalker, these dates don't match because I've been slacking on my blog and went back to fill in some spots) and made everyone I came in contact with taste it...I think...and this time, I even documented it with photos. I'm surprised I remembered, my brain was on autopilot from seeing Incubus and the Deftones the night before, and then getting up early b/c my aunt woke me up to tell me she'd come by in 3 hours...

I measured nothing...and it was fabulous!

 

 

I shared it with: my cousin Heather, her 2 oldest daughters, Justine, Eden, Lindz, Devo, Shelby, Manny, Elisa, Mina, Pasi, & Mike.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okie Caviar

This is one of my favorite, FAVORITE things to throw together! Great to take to a party, use it as a condiment for Tex-Mex dishes, or just keep it in the fridge when your vegetarian friend comes to visit...it keeps people quiet when they're whining about being hungry and bitching because you're taking too long to get ready to go out for dinner (partly because they treat your house like a vacation resort and you are exhausted from the combination of preparing for them, entertaining them, feeding them, and then getting up early on their schedule to feed them again). 

You can make all sorts of variations of it, call it whatever kind of caviar you want, and do whatever the hell you want with it. I've never made it the same way twice, and it's always fabulous!

This time, I used:

2 cans black-eyed peas, 1 can black beans, rinsed and drained.
2 green bell peppers, 1 orange bell pepper, diced.
1/2 red onion, diced.
3 diced tomatoes or 2 C. halved grape tomatoes
1 can of corn, drained. I wanted to fire-roast some, but actually had to use cream-style corn b/c that's what I had!
1/2 bunch of washed, dried, cilantro leaves
Italian dressing. I made my own w/ EVOO & spices on hand.
S&P, minced garlic, jalapeño seasoning

Mix gently, cover & refrigerate :)

If I were making this for a home crowd, I'd put fresh avocados in it, but this was for an outdoor thing...in August...in Texas...nuff said?

Grillin' Season Hacks

I grill all year long, but some people only do it in summer months. These people are either mutants or Northerners, and sometimes, completely interchangeable.

According to the rules of an outdated society, only people with penises are allowed around the grill, as it's considered macho or manly to cook food over a direct flame, but far too emasculating for a man to cook on or anywhere near a stove. ***ROLLS EYES***

I revoked the man of the house's imaginary license to grill because he continually overcooked my steak. I like mine nearly blue...which means, brought up to temperature, with just a little sear on it--it's rarer than rare, basically, still mooing, as many people call it.  He had no idea what he was doing, but really, when does that stop people from doing anything??? I learned to cook on the grill strictly by trial & error, mostly error, but common sense will get you quite far and usually, I'd had so many beers & bloody Mary's by the time dinner was ready, I wasn't hungry anyway. 

Over the years, this is what I've learned:

Insecure males get all butthurt when you give them the slightest bit of advice on how to step up their grilling game (or any advice, for that matter).

Creating a 2-zone cooking environment while pre-heating the grill ensures greater grilling success.
1--high to medium high heat--this allows you to bring & keep the grill to temp without overcooking your food
2--low to zero heat--this is where your food will actually be cooked.  You may want to sear or mark your food, like a steak, for instance, on zone 1, then move it to 2, or cook your chicken on 2, then move it to 1 to crisp the skin. 

I actually prefer 3 zones, especially if I'm just cooking for two because I have to share a communal grill at my apartment complex, and I'm a highly social person, so I jibber-jabber a lot, leaving my food (sometimes too long) on the grill & the zero flame zone allows me to pull it over & examine it, rather than risk pulling it off prematurely & getting blood on my clean take away plates, which brings me to why I started this whole post inthefirstdamnplace!--cross-contamination & being earth friendly...

Having to tote all my utensils and plates down 3 flights of stairs, cook, and then safely get all of my grilled goodies back upstairs is made easier by using those little Styrofoam trays that grocery stores put your meat/vegetables/nuts in.  I don't wash or store the meat ones for risk of cooties, but when I open & season the meat, I slap it right back on it & cover, then toss it once the food goes on the grill. I do keep the ones that come with the nuts and vegetables washed, dried, and stacked in the pantry & use them for the cooked meat to bring home. They're also good to use for plates if you stay in the communal area and eat while playing Cards Against Humanity with your neighbors.

Rather a long-winded way to say, 'get more use out of your styro trays and help save the earth' but I don't see you sharing practical information for free.  You might, but I don't see it.

HATCH PEPPERS!!!

It's that time of year!!! Oh, and all the dishes you can make with them! The Central Market (H-E-B) flyer just arrived and it's loaded with all things hatch! Of course...the most delicious looking item I see...hatch and cheese corn rolls with melted gourmet butter with hatch chiles...DROOL!  Hatch: sausages, hummus, crab cakes, cheddar, rotisserie chicken, sourdough, marinated beef sirloin...and then...hatch pepper tortillas! I feel faint. And what about...catfish with hatch chile hush puppies?!?!?!

I have no idea what I'm going to make with them, as I haven't even gotten my hands on them yet...however...pretty sure I'm going to make good use of that cilantro infused cucumber vodka that's been staring back at me in the fridge lately. We made bloody Mary's with it, and as tasty as it was, it was akin to drinking salsa...It might be a concoction that, stuffed with edible items on a skewer like shrimp and avocado, serves dual purposes as a drink and an appetizer, but I'm just not feelin' it!

Stay tuned...

Omelet, Julia Child-style

I went to the library the other day and picked out a couple books, one being As Always, Julia; The Letters of Julia Child and Avis DeVoto. I didn't get very far before my A.D.D. got the best of me and something in the book prompted me to look up the episode of The French Chef about omelets on the Google Machine. Maybe it was the first episode mentioned in the book? Not sure. Something spurred it. The episode I found was Elegant Eggs, and she did make some beautiful eggs, a few of them being omelets, but the black and white film didn't do them any justice. Monochromatic food, meh. I'm old enough to remember seeing Julia on TV as a kid, but she was older then, and in color. Her voice was comical and strange when I was younger, now I find it somewhat charming, almost comforting.

I had always wondered how omelets were done enough on the inside to be edible without being crunchy on the outside. Never quite curious enough to investigate, or try it out myself, just 'wrinkle my forehead' curious.  In the past, if I wanted a medley of goodies on my eggs, I just scrambled or fried them and piled the additions on top.  But now, since eggs are a huge staple in my breakfast diet, I wanted to mix it up, spread my egg wings, if you will. No offense, chickens. Show me something cool, old school, Jules!

She did! I had envisioned the process all wrong.  I didn't realize you sort of scrambled it twice and just non-precisely folded it over. I thought you poured it out, magically flipped the entire thing, filled it, and folded it in half. Not so. I'd post a link, but if you don't have the attention span to go and look it up by yourself, you don't wave the attention span to watch the entire episode, it's about 20-something minutes long.

Mine was simple:
2 eggs, whisked
S&P
grape tomatoes, halved
fresh basil
sun-dried tomato and basil cheddar
(Julia suggested Swiss, but the cheddar was already shredded)

I did as she suggested, and wah-la, my very first omelet!

Peanut Butter Banana & Brothsicle Popsicles (for the Pibble)

A couple weeks ago, I made a Broth & Water popsicle for my pup's 4th Birthday celebration. It was odd shaped because I didn't use a mold, just clear plastic wrap, broth, water, and a popsicle stick, er, chopsticks from takeout, held up in a slender glass while it froze. It was a HUGE hit, he LOVED it and it was hilarious watching him partake of the frosty flavored goodness!

Today, I thought he should have some peanut butter banana popsicles! This would be ideal if you had some bananas nearing the end of their life, and rather than toss them, mix up a batch for the pooch now and have the audacity to wonder why he's a spoiled rotten brat later.

Mash your banana, mix peanut butter, slather it on a stick, wrap, & freeze.
I made them pretty small, maybe 1 & 1/2 T. of batter per stick to keep it manageable. Until he can develop opposable thumbs and hold his own popsicle, that's all he's getting!

They turned out pretty good, but not near as fun to watch him lap up his birthday brothsicle! 

Fakin' It...Potato Salad in a Pinch!

I had a nice brisket in the crockpot, about to be sauced & tossed on the grill, beans were baking, & I realized I had no potatoes for making potato salad!!!  I can't eat BAR-B-Q without potato salad!  That's some sort of crime against 'MERRICA!  So, in any situation like this, necessity is the mother of invention. Improvise! Stiff instant mashed potatoes, made by adding a little more potatoes than the directions called for, then add mustard, mayo, dill, deviled eggs, dash of celery salt, paprika and pickle relish...don't forget S & P, more pepper than salt...plus whatever you weirdoes (is that how you spell weirdo in the plural form? spell check says so...) put in your potato salad...and it's not half bad! The Big Guy rather fancied it! Success!

***That recipe was plucked from my previous blog & dated 4/18/14...a time when potato products were still legal in my household. They still make their way in occasionally, but when they do, I shame them with silent judgment and woeful disdain!

Nowadays, I use cauliflower for mashed potatoes, potato salad, I even replace rice for Chinese dishes with it! The Big Guy doesn't like cauliflower, but, I'm not a fan of diabetes, so... he has the choice of suffering through it, not eating it, or making the above. Today happens to be one of the days that I don't care if he ever eats again, which is a marked improvement from yesterday when I wanted to stab him repeatedly while prepping dinner. I think men can be the silliest of creatures at times, then one of them has to go and prove my theory by taunting a woman with a knife in her hand, dicing onions no less! I should probably make a note that all my Wushtof knives are dull...order a sharpening & honing steel. After all, getting stabbed with a dull knife is much more painful, and I don't want to hear any whining.

If you'd like to try it--cauliflower potato salad, that is, NOT stabbing your true love--just boil some salted water, dump in chopped cauli, cook 'til fork tender, drain well, very well...like EXTRA very well, and according to your taste, mash, whip, or beat into your preferred texture, as it tends to be a little grainy, then add your ingredients to taste. It would be awesome if I measured things for you, but I don't even do it for me, so...good luck!

Zero Noodle Zuchini Lasagna

As good as this is, I have yet to master the issue of it putting off too much liquid. But it's fair to say, I've never tried, I just accept it--zucchini has water in it. BIGDAMNDEAL. It doesn't affect the taste, merely the presentation. Some cooks say to bake it for 10 minutes first.

No.

 Others say to salt it and then pat it dry.

Nuh-uh.

My favorite is when some jackwaggon on a low-carb recipe site offers the brilliant solution of putting rice in the bottom of it to absorb the water...really, asshat? Yeah, and a snickers bar really helps to cut sugar cravings if you're diabetic. Crikey! Moving on...

If you're lucky, someone you know has an abundance of zucchini and yellow squash and they keep bringing it to you at work! As a 20-something-year-old, the only thing I knew to do with my summer harvest given to me by my clients at the beauty shop was make zucchini bread or fry it--what a shame--it's so much more versatile than that! In my mid-thirties, I would get super creative and sauté it with onions and tomatoes, garlic, and Italian/Mediterranean-ish seasonings only to discover I was making ratatouille!  Zut, je suis bon!

This particular endeavor was as follows:

Yellow squash--peeled, halved, thinly sliced
Meat sauce--ground, browned turkey w/
Diced white onion--half saved for a layer
Splash of red wine
Prepared pasta sauce
S&P
Cottage cheese--topped with
Moz--with a mix of
Finely Shredded Italian Cheese Blend--finished off with
Fresh Basil

I would love to have had a layer of sautéed mushrooms, but somebody's kind of a crybaby when it comes to fungi.  Someday this will call for it to be disguised in the meat!

Caprese Salad

HEIRLOOM TOMATOES!!! So good, ya gotta scream! Slice 'em up, tear up some fresh basil leaves, toss in some fresh mozzarella pearls, drizzle w/ a little balsamic...S&P...shut yo face! After you've crammed some of this in it, naturally. So simple, so good!

Spinach & Tomato Breakfast Pie

Hungry this morning & tired of the same 'ole, same 'ole...BLAH.  So I rolled out a pie crust in the pan, set oven 350, chopped a fresh tomato, threw in: some spinach, diced green onions, goat cheese, crumbled tomato & basil feta, fresh basil, parmesan, 2 eggs beaten w/ fat free half & half. Didn't set the timer, just kept watch, put foil on crust so that it didn't get too brown & found out later I should have done that 5 minutes earlier.  I shredded a little cheddar on top after I pulled it from the oven.  Let cool, slice, S&P...and holy shit--write it down, share :)

***This little gem is from my original, totally neglected blog, but since this is the season for those wonderful homegrown tomatoes and fresh basil, I thought it would be a good time to re-introduce. I used to have a recipe, like, a legit recipe that was given to me by my little old lady neighbor, Sally...what a firecracker she was! She knew I was getting loads of tomatoes brought in by my clients at the beauty shop because I shared them with her. In return, she clipped a recipe from the Daily Oklahoman that was called Tomato, Onion, and Cheese Pie. It was a bit more intricate and time consuming, but it was TO DIE FOR...and that recipe was the inspiration for this one. Nowadays, I would exclude the crust, and it's just as tasty, but for those of you supermutants that aren't affected by carbs, think of us who are while your enjoying it...creeps!

I looked for it, I can't find it, I'll post when I find one similar. The ones I did find on the interwebs weren't quite close enough. The search continues...

Accordian Potatoes

This would have been a perfect photo op, but I was in a hurry to get it prepped and then when plating, Last Comic Standing was on and I didn't want to miss a second of it, in case this episode featured some of my peeps! Plus, I made a variation of the old standby, so I will divulge both...

--Wash & scrub russet potatoes
(I used Yukon gold today because that's what contraband I had)
--Slice as thin as possible without cutting all the way through, use a wooden spoon handle if you need a crutch
--Alternately cram thinly sliced red onion halves and thinly sliced pats of butter (I used white onion today)
--Sprinkle liberally with S&P and dried basil
(I used fresh basil from my plants)

Wrap in loose foil, but seal tightly and place on shelf inside grill for 20-30 minutes. I have never timed it, when I squeeze them & they give, they're done. You can: rub oil on them before you cut them if you like to make the skin crunchy, dice them and roast them in the oven, sprinkle cheddar and a dollop of sour cream or parmesan.

I had a good run with these for many years, but, like every other thing I love as a carb addict, we kind of had to go our separate ways, I only eat them on a very rare occasion. They make for great presentation with minimal effort, so, if you're looking for a little bit of wow factor, pair it with a steak and a spinach or dark-leaf salad, it's got a little bit of oooooh, ahhhhh, without making you look like a complete show-off!

Mac & Cheese

Today, my brother turns another year older and if I were in Kansas, I would make him some mac & cheese! It's not something that gets made very often, so when it does, it's kind of a big deal. If you've eaten it at my table, it means you have my love and loyalty bestowed upon you, as there are very few people important enough to deserve this honor, but still have not had the opportunity to do so--I'll get to you, I swear. Request it next time we are near a kitchen in case I forget. Let's hope you're truly one of the ones mentioned above, otherwise, it would be so awkward...you finding out, by a mac & cheese refusal that, well...I'm just not that into you. HAHAHA! I'm kidding. Sort of.

I'm not great at recipes, not sure why...it inhibits my creativity, or I don't respect authority, or I dunno, I'm not good at organizing paper-ish things. Here's how I do it:

2 cups elbows
1/2 c. diced onion...honestly, I don't measure either of those, eyeball it!
2 T. butter...margarine is a waste of time, don't even!
2 T. AP flour
lotsa pepper
2 to 2.5 c. milk

usually, the easiest way to remember this, and you can do this with all sorts of sauces...

1 T fat--(butter, pan drippings)
1 T flour
1 cuppa liquid--(broth, milk, or a mix of both)

finally...

4 c. of shredded American cheese (if you can't find it, use 16 oz. of sliced)

Sauté your onion in your butter, add a little salt to speed the cooking process, cook til clear, do not brown. If you do, don't panic, just get it off the heat & cool slightly before proceeding. Add flour, pepper, & once smooth, dump in all the milk at once. Cook til thick and bubbly, add cheese. Add cooked elbows to cheese sauce, DONE! Unless you want to show off and love to do dishes, then transfer to baking dish and heat at 350 for 20, or until bubbly. I don't do this. I also don't put a topping like crumbs or bacon, or sliced tomatoes, but do what you want.

I haven't quite figured it out, but my grandma Myrna, who's not really my grandma at all, used to make it with a little vinegar(I think?)--some barbeque joints do this, but I haven't quite gotten it the way I remember it. I suppose the acidity cuts the richness a little, or maybe helps stretch the cheese, hell...I dunno.  She is long gone, and the last time I ate it was probably 37 years ago, but I can still smell it cooking in her kitchen!

I like to make more cheese sauce than it calls for & freeze it in several smaller containers, it's good with broccoli, cauliflower, whatever...but the key to it's yumminess is the onion. If you don't want to go to all this trouble, sauté the onions and toss it in a melted cheese & milk mixture, it'll give you a quick fix, ya junkie!

It's nothing short of legendary, and since going the route of the low-carb lifestyle, it's a rare delicacy too! Enjoy! Happy Birthday Little Brother :)

someone owes me an apology...

Why? Because I have gone my entire life without knowing how good a cilantro & basil pesto mixture is on top of a steak, and this is truly unforgivable! Someone knew of this, and failed to introduce it to me...you dirty bastards! This is a travesty! Evil walks among us! If I were a tyrannical ruler of an empire, someone would be losing their bulbous hat rack to a bloody basket over this! OFF WITH THEIR HEAD!!! But, since I'm not, I will just have to curse the unknown(s) for all eternity, vowing never to be like them--guarding this knowledge like the culinary illuminati--instead, I choose to pay this forward, sharing with you, hoping you will not be forced to go another day without this delectable condiment. How many other hidden taste bud explosions are lurking out there??? I shudder to think about it...So simple, so easy, so delish...so why the hell am I just now discovering this?!?!?! UGH!

In all my years, I have met one person that does not like basil...insert full-on dog head-tilt here. The pathway from her tongue to her brain must have some sort of short-circuit, as I cannot even fathom how this is possible--it blows my mind. But, she's my friend and I accept her as is, even if she is an absolute weirdo--I have entire collection of them in my people stash. The point to this rambling side note is that I, personally, have an obsession with all things basil/pesto, another thing that was not introduced (knowingly) to my pallet until my late thirties, and I dished out a similar tirade as above.

Recently...I ordered some tacos at a little restaurant in Trophy Club, Texas called Cristina's Fine Mexican Restaurant right off HWY 114. I can't remember what they were called, but if you go, the cilantro pesto was mentioned in the menu description of said, unknown item, you can find it. It sounded interesting, and once I tasted it, I knew I had to replicate it ASAP!

When the Big Guy & I go out for eats, I hate ordering the same thing as him because I want just a bite of his to trade for just a bite of mine. It's a variety thing, or a people-with-a-vagina thing, as I've heard other dudes whine and bitch about it. Usually, when I offer a bite to him, he'll say, "no, it's yours, you eat it sweetie." Sounds super nice, right? It's all a front, he knows I want a bite of his, he thinks this makes the expected trade agreement null. This time, I insisted,"you MUST try this, it's uneffinbelievable!' I could go on, in explicit detail, but trust me, it's truly awesome, and he agreed.

Having this new little nugget of edible knowledge, I decided to try it on a steak, specifically, a lean rib-eye. I marinated them for several hours in some red wine and Canadian/Montreal steak seasoning.  Tossing in an entire bunch of cilantro leaves with some fresh basil from the balcony, salt, olive oil and some store-bought out of the jar basil pesto, the food processor was a beautiful bright green slurry of fresh flavors! GIDDY! Store in fridge until ready to use, meld flavors, meld! Mmm!

When the steaks were done, I put them aside to rest with a thick layer of my pesto potion spread over them while I threw the asparagus on. Already, I could tell this was gonna be something to write home about, the aroma was out of this world! I could hardly wait to sink my teeth into it!

I don't like to eat steak or ribs in public because, well...I'm a bone-gnawer.  Although this particular steak was boneless, I'm pretty sure I ate my entire meal with my hands, I'm not sure.  Last thing I remember was the Big Guy standing over me, screaming my name with a Joker-esque green smile glistening across his face. "Are you okay?'

Philly on the Fly

Generally, when you think of crockpot recipes, it's usually during the cold weather months, not when it's a hundred and hell outside. However, it's nice to just toss a chunk of meat in there and fuggetaboudit! Plus, it's the middle of July and we haven't even reached a hundred here in north Texas, so, I guess technically, it's chilly outside!

I tend to keep a frozen roast on hand at all times, I'm just domestic like that. Beef, and sometimes pork...usually a frozen bird, too. I get them on sale and it makes my life so much easier, giving me more time to do whatever I happen to be doing that day...laundry, writing, cleaning, reading, obsessing over the ignorant shit I see on social media, then drinking...whatever...you get the point.

Here's what ya do: take medium frozen chunk 'o beef--roast, cheap steaks, petite sirloins, whatever's on hand--and toss it in the crockpot frozen, (must I also say that you should spray it first?...goofball) season w/ S&P, garlic powder, lid it, turn on low, go to bed.  When you wake up, you will have forgotten you have done this and panic, wondering who has been cooking you breakfast, in bed, perhaps? I never seem to get over this disappointment of an empty kitchen upon waking, no matter how many times I do it!  Alas, I chop onions and red bell peppers to toss in the crockpot, saving a few to sauté and toss in some eggs that I have to make muhdamnself!

If you're terrified you will burn the house down, you can add a little water, but it's not necessary, just cook it fat side up, it will be fine. Trust me, it makes it's own juice. Around noon, you will find that you have the most tender chunk 'o beef you've ever had.  Unless you tossed a massive roast in there, like, the size of your head, then you'll have to cook it until dinner for it to be tender, and by then, your onions and peppers might be disintegrated, use proper judgment, it's not rocket science.

I take a dollop of cheez wiz and about a quarter block of cream cheese or Neufchatel, warm it in the micro, stir and then pile all components on your choice of bread.  I'm a low-carber as of late, so I like it on Joseph's pita or lavash bread. It's sometimes difficult to find, but hopefully, not much longer.  It's so good and nutritious, it HAS to catch on!


***Note***Obviously, this particular recipe is really not as the title suggests, you can't do it quickly, but you can do it with minimal effort. When I wrote it, that's just what came to me...blame it on my A.D.D. baby! (you are so welcome for getting that stuck in your head OCD'ers!)

High Dollar Eggs

We drug ourselves out of bed early to head to the Keller Farmer's Market on Saturday because a neighbor told me eggs are one of the first things to sell out.  There were lots of samples available: cheddars, goat cheese, fancy schmancy herbed breads, honeys, soaps, candles, all the in-season veggies, and then we saw the eggs! GIDDY!!! Beautiful, speckled-y green, brown, tan...two dozen of them!!! I almost knocked a lady over trying to get to the booth. Had I knocked her over, I would have tripped over her and hit the ground mydamnself, so karma was looking out for her. Once I reached the table, I excitedly asked the lady how much for her eggs?
Eight dollars.
For the both?
No, each.
What?
They were delivered fresh this morning.
Silently, in my head, I was all...I don't care if they were delivered five seconds ago by Mr. Baby Jeezus himself, for eight dollars, those little shit specks all over those eggs better start glittering in the sun because for EIGHT DAMN DOLLARS, they better have some gold on them! But what I really said was...
Ok, thanks.
And then walked away, deflated, disappointed, dejected. I bet those yolks were a beautiful, deep yellow. I bet they were golden! Le sigh...

Smoked Sausage

The other night, I passed off dinner duty to the Big Guy. He opted for smoked sausage for a coupla reasons: convenient and easy. We failed to plan ahead, so we needed something quick to thaw, and since they were sliding out of the freezer, it seemed the choice was made for us.

Slice a white onion, generously cut, douse with evoo, salt, McCormick Perfect Pinch vegetable seasoning, and repeat with red bell peppers. He wanted to put them in foil, I urged him to grill them directly, and the results were oh so good!  Quick, easy, and with a little bit of  hot & spicy bbq sauce, I felt it was the quintessential 'taste of the old west' as it conjured up nostalgic images of a cowboy out on the range, sans a horse, campfire, and a lone wolf howling at the moon.

Cucumber Vodka

Seemingly ironic, the first summer in a series of them since I was a teenager, I was totally at peace with not being shit-faced drunk for the whole of the summer. I have been buzzy/tipsy/drinky a few times thus far, but not the stuff all the rumors are made of. And then, here comes Cucumber Vodka waltzing in my kitchen with an attitude, very cool...laidback, refreshing, and if I believed I were going to hell, THIS is what I would crave to quench my thirst for allllll of eternity!!! Add one & a half shots to an ice-filled glass(clear if ya wanna show off), LaCroix Lemon water, fresh slices of lemon, if ya feelin' fancy, garnish with cucumber slices too!!! Pretty sure I'm going to be a full blown alcoholic by Thursday, it's that good, so DO be careful!

Currently, my fridge is a cold lab filled with experimental jars.  Cucumber vodka with cilantro, basil and cilantro, and orange and pineapple vodka with mango.  The ones with watermelon and fresh cucumber infusions have been consumed by the mad scientist, and her assistant, Guinea Pig. Opposable thumbs up!

Starch Switcheroo

Pork Rib-eyes w/ a smokehouse maple rub, Ranch Style Beans, and...um...??? ehhh...well...Ugh!...feeding a starch consumer in a trying-to-break-the starch-addiction kitchen can be trying.  If I had some cottage cheese, I would have sliced my grape tomatoes, a cucumber, and green onion, tossing it all together and call it good.  Back in the day, it would have been accompanied by a ranch & bacon pasta salad...peas and carrots. But, those are days gone by...

Scouring the fridge, I find my unopened steamed rice from the Chinese takeout the other day.  Hmm...ranch, tomato, green onion, some sweet corn kernels! Yes!!! I didn't tell the Big Guy what was in store for him, but I made him close his eyes while I was shoving it in his face for a taste test. You like? It's alright, he says. He eats 2 helpings.

It won't be making this again anytime soon, not because it wasn't good, because...are you even paying attention??? IT'S ILLEGAL! But, I thought I'd share for the 'I can do starch but just not gluten' crowd.  Or, if you find yourself in a pinch, needing to feed a huge crowd...for a make-ahead 4th of July feast, maybe? You're welcome! :)

Coconut Fuzz

It's gonna be a hot, sticky, Texas summer day...imagine that! It's July!!! In attempt to beat the heat, I started mine out with some Coconut & Lemongrass green tea from Trader Joe's, LaCroix Coconut Water, lotsa ice, a packet of stevia sweetener and a freshly sliced lime.  It's the carbonation of the LaCroix that makes me giddy...it's so fizzy, er, fuzzy! THIS almost made me wish I had some lime or coconut flavored vodka at 8AM! Is there such a thing as lemongrass vodka??? There should be...oh, of course there is. (Even I thought that idea was so awesome, someone had to have done it already!) I might have a new obsession on my hands.

You can take nearly any flavored tea: pomegranate, orange, blueberry, and add a can of flavored sparkling water--LaCroix has no added anything, except awesomeness and a tinge of flavor, they have many to choose from--turning boring old tea into...I dunno, something really cool.  Verbal eloquence has abandoned me. There's a bumbling, mumbling grandpa and 2 noisey midgets within earshot and they're incessant and off-key humming of Christmas tunes makes me want to push them in the pool. Totally jacked my mojo. Noon may come sooner than expected.